Often times the question of, “if there was nothing to hold you back, what would you do?” is posed. I have asked this of myself when I was looking to change career paths and still felt lost. There are a ton of things I would love to do, but to actually make a living doing them is something else. So I went a different approach and asked myself, “What are my values?” It seems like an easy enough question, until you sit down a try to write them out. That’s when my writer’s block set in. I had nothing, nothing but blankness in my head. I knew that I valued my friendships and loved ones, but I wanted to get down to my core values to help me discover a new career path.

I knew one thing for sure about this new career; it had to have meaning. By this I mean I needed to be fulfilled with my job. Great! I discovered one value! But now what? To get the juices flowing on my path of discovery, I decided to look at quotes that really resonated with me. I decided to look at what their words meant to me and why they were important. It is amazing to see what you value. What is interesting with quotes is different ones will resonate with you in different aspects of your life. And they will change as you change.

The good thing about this journey was not only did I discover some of my values, it got me moving forward again. I may not have found all the answers right away, but at least I was exploring different ideas and seeing if they aligned with my values. Eventually, this led me to coaching!

Commitments require an action that you have agreed upon. Most of the time they require some form of change, whether it be in your daily routine or within your lifestyle. Our words and actions reflect the commitments we adhere to. If we proclaim that living a healthy lifestyle is important to us and we eat fast food and/or junk food on a regular basis, are we really honoring our word, our commitment?

Everything we say and do reflects what is truly important in our lives. It’s when we become conscious of everything we do, that we will honor and commit to real change in our lives. We become empowered by our thoughts, words and actions.

In every situation, we have a choice in how we respond or react. In one of my readings from ICA, they discussed how we even have a choice in our commitments when we are sick. We have the choice to let our bodies heal, by resting and nourishing it. All the while allowing our selves the space to let our minds wander and explore new ideas. Or we can choose not to rest and stress ourselves even more by worrying about what we have missed out on. Therefore, making our selves even more sick.

So what does this have to do with being accountable? Well, we are accountable for every thought and action we commit to. Only you can be accountable to living out your dreams, achieving your goals. Having a coach holds the space for you open up and explore your commitments. But we, as coaches, can’t make you live your life any way other than the way YOU want to live it! Although we say we hold you accountable, truly, YOU are the only one you are accountable to and you see this through your action

The reality is we are able to live the life we desire; most of us just haven’t defined what it is we want. Even if we have the idea of the ideal life, most of the time we have no idea how to achieve our dreams. So, we quickly dismiss those dreams as unattainable and get complacent with what we have.

So how do we step outside of that complacency to define your dreams, your life? By creating a plan, any plan. Just by taking this small step, you open yourself up to the creation of the rest of your life. What’s keeping you?

Sometimes we need someone to work with us, to use as a sounding board, to help us define our dreams and aspirations. This is where finding a coach to work with can greatly impact your life. I can help you define your goals, set a plan to attain them and hold you accountable to your word. Intrigued? Contact me for more information.

Communication does have many facets, so it isn’t any wonder that there are a lot of misunderstandings. How we communicate, first and fore most, depends on what mental state we are in; what is happening within “our” world? How we respond and interact with others is dependant on that fact. The language we use varies greatly from a relaxed state to a stressed state of mind. Additionally, how you interpret others’ words and meanings is dependant of your state of mind.

Think about it… someone says to you in a caring and joyous manner, “Have a nice day” as you leave a store. Typically, you leave happy. Now image the homeless man on the corner, shouting at you as you pass by, saying the same exact words. Do you have a different reaction? Interpretation? Are you still happy? If not, are you still in a place to receive a caring message. Maybe…but maybe not.

Another common reason for misunderstandings are embedded assumptions and expectations in our words. Many times people will just assume or expect that the other party fully understands what is being stated or presented. When in fact, there is a lot of gray area in the conversation with words unsaid. Factor in, our daily, personal, work, family stresses, cultural and language differences, it is easy to overlook something as simple as clarification. But, it is our responsibility to make sure we understand.

It is also our responsibility to know what we are implying by the use of our language. Have you thought about what words you repeat throughout the day? Do they align with your beliefs and values? I challenge you to take one day and REALLY listen to what you are saying with your choice of words. Are you surprised by what you are actually saying?

The reality is we have a say and responsibility with EVERY aspect of our lives and the events that unfold. True, there are some events that we don’t have any control over, but how we interpret what unfolds and how we respond to those things IS within our control. It is our responsibility.

Taking responsibility gives us power, the power to take control of our life, actions, words and thoughts. To look at the root of the word, respond, it is a state of mind; you choose your thoughts, actions and words, no one else. By blaming others for the events happening in our lives, gives all of our power away. It is a choice YOU make!

Children’s behaviors are the easiest to see. Think about how a young child will repeatedly ask, “look what I did” and if they aren’t acknowledged their volume rapidly increases until they are addressed. As we get older, we start taking on insecurities and stop asking to be acknowledged. Everyone takes on their own form of defense because we all internalize things differently, but that need, or longing to be acknowledged still resides in each of us.

Collectively, in our society we have normalized the façade of not needing anyone’s approval to become a strong and successful member of society. And it is true that we shouldn’t base our whole existence upon what other people think, but there is still this unconscious desire that we be acknowledged for what we have done; and rightfully so. It takes work, courage, strength, endurance, discipline and a desire to go after our dreams, whether it’s personal or work oriented.

To me it is very sad that we dismiss all of our accomplishments by saying, “it’s no big deal.” We have bought into the guilt of thinking that it is wrong to make light of said accomplishments by saying “it’s not really good enough” or “that we could do better next time.” That’s a lie. This thinking turns our self image into a negative. We are essentially always saying WE are not good enough. Which in turn this begs the question, what is good enough? Who are we comparing ourselves, our accomplishments to? And why are “they” better than us? We worked just as hard, so why do “we” recognize “them” and not our self?

Since I began this journey of coaching, I have been much more aware of this need and desire to be recognized. I have utilized this tool of acknowledgment and have seen profound results. Even in the simplest gestures, people really light up when they are acknowledged for something they have done. It gives them to encouragement to go forth and try new things. And as irony would have it, they eagerly come running back to tell you something else they have done. Of course, there are times that you will give them a pat on the back and tell them good job. But it seems that when you dig deeper and recognize that it took some courage to overcome a fear or that it took some legwork to get it done, you can see a deep seeded contentment and smile that satisfies their soul! In turn this gives them more self-confidence and an internal strength that exudes from them. It also gives them the confidence to pay it forward.